PonDerInG NitEz

I am in the middle of my job having to finish up some work late at night.

The only reason i am here blogging, is the simple reason that the job can

never be finished and i have all the night for it. While digging my brains trying to

settle down on how to finsih the rest of the work, i decided to blog , or at least

try to blog. The updates been getting very slow lately and I couldn't agree more.
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Soon I will be fighting war on the far side of this country trying

to believe that what I'm doing is actually preparing myself for the future.
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Where as, my future is not what I am trying to prepare for now....
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contradicting?
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Sometimes, I feel really disturbed...Im just 21, and why the heck and I thinking

so much. But then again, If we all dun start thinking about our life now,

when should we? OF course, some told me that theres no point thinking about

it since you cant do anything about your life, just let the flow go...

But then again, why dun we all try to create miracle for ourselves and try to do

all the impossible and see at least if it worked? The fact is, we won't, probably

all of us are lazy. And thats why you are reading my blog.
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If in fact you are not lazy about life, you should be struggling trying to be

an entrepunerrrn [ dunno how to spell also ] and keep working late night

to make your crazy business work. So, clearly this group of us belong

to the lazy batch.
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Thus said, if we all have a choice to choose back what we can work hard for

and strife hard for, will we turn back? If you can travel back to time,

will you? And actually i have a time machine for ya, just that we dun call it

time machine, we call it memory.
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So whats the use of me pondering and worrying about my life, about how am

i gonna support myself, when can i buy my own house and be successful...

The fact is, I should do more and speak less and think more.
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MoOtOviAtioN.....
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I lost it suddenly, the impact to draw and work. Lost my groove. Been trying

to find it back. Its something that misses and hits once in awhile in my life....

like some peak and orgasm then low and sicko kinda thingy....it gets all sorts of

temperature and moods. Its very hard to get back the momentumn

and passion. And sometimes, I just cant believe why. Probably its the fact that

im in anoother job too much and my flame for art and design gets loosen out,

and i have to keep the passion going and going and going and gooo in and go

really in and start drawing. But I just can't, partly because I'm not at home,

and partly because when i take up the pencil now, its like a stranger.
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I still love what i do, and seriously, everyone should love what you do.

DUn be a prositute in life ever and regret later. A friend told me, in life you

can do whatever you want, just dun turn back and regret about it. We should all go

for our dreams and work hard towards it. I believe my dream will come true

one day.

And living it will be my life's glory.

Working towards it, is just my beginning.